(www.tw.myblog.yaoo.com)
@ http://dialogueireland.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/is-sex-between-a-spiritual-teacher-and-students-harmful/
Posted on May 31, 2012 by dialogueireland
What Is A Rigpa Student To Think? BY Joanne Clark
Sorting Out the Blogs and Posts on the Dialogue Ireland site ……………………………..
I begin with a story which I believe to be from a Zen center:
“Our Saturday morning meditation group usually starts with hugs, smiles, and jokes. But today it begins with Sarah’s tears.Sarah is group’s matriarch. She speaks four languages, has lived in four countries, and survived multiple wars. The rest of us often ask her spiritual questions, and she often gives wonderfully clear, yet deeply mystical answers. She laughs easily, often at her own mistakes.“Yet as we take our seats on this gorgeous spring morning, Sarah suddenly begins to weep.“I touch her arm and offer her a tissue. “What’s wrong?”“She dabs at her eyes for some time before she is able to talk. Eventually she mentions the name of a well-known spiritual teacher. “I was his student; he was my guru, my rebbe. For years I felt a special connection with him. He was always so wise, so mesmerizing, so inspiring. When I was in the room with him, I felt something shift and deepen inside me. Wherever he went, he packed the house.” She takes a long, sobbing breath. “Yesterday, I found out he sexually abused women. Dozens of women, many of them his students. Some of them young girls. For over twenty-five years. Twenty-five years. He just admitted all of it.” She shakes her head and blows her nose noisily.I start to speak, but she touches my hand and shakes her head. She needs to say more.“I don’t understand how he could be so wise and inspiring, yet so abusive.”
(Edelstein, Scott, Sex and the Spiritual Teacher, Introduction)
I suspect that this story might resound with Rigpa students. There might be many Rigpa students right now who have read the blogs and allegations against Sogyal Lakar and are questioning.
Many might be confused or upset. What might appear a clear conclusion to those outside of Rigpa is not so clear to those with strong, spiritual ties to Sogyal and his organization, those who have experiences of kindness and true guidance from him. This point is often lacking in our debates. We discuss the allegations as if resolution of them is as simple as moving from A to B, as saying yay or nay. However, for a Rigpa student, resolution means a radical reorientation of their lives on many different levels. Spiritual reorientation, in particular, is a difficult and often painful challenge. This takes time and it is not simple.
Recently, I counted the number of comments that have been made on Dialogue Irelandin response to allegations of sexual abuse by Sogyal Lakar and I reached 4, 277. Even though these comments span over three years of discussion, the number is still staggering. As Mike of DI says, we Buddhists “have a lot of fuel in our tanks.” I personally believe that this is a strength we have. It means that this situation is not going to just fade away without some definitive resolution.
While it is a good thing that issues such as this are being taken seriously enough to spark debate, the length of the comment line can sometimes interfere with meaningful debate. It can sometimes be quite daunting for newcomers to step in and join discussions. It can also become difficult for questioning Rigpa students to find answers. Long time bloggers on these threads have long standing arguments going and a sort of insider language has been developed alongside that which make the thread sometimes just seem like an incomprehensible, great, snaking tirade.
However, for any who dare spend the hours of reading, the comment thread on Dialogue Ireland has some illuminating moments. There are jewels of comments that allow the reader to gain better insight into the troubles within Rigpa. There are poignant testimonies. There are coherent arguments and incoherent arguments. I suggest that it could be useful at this time to step back for a moment and explore what can be made of the comment line and the main posts, perhaps try to sum up the arguments and highlight some of the more illuminating testimonies. I will also go a little further and draw on aspects of Buddhist doctrine that have not been properly clarified.
There seem to be two primary debates occurring throughout these discussions. One is the question of whether or not the allegations are true. In line with that is the question of degree, of how true they might be, whether they are “as bad” as they are described in BTT. The other debate is the question of whether sexual relations between a Buddhist lama and his student should be condemned at all. This question also entails consideration of the degree of sexual involvements.
HH Dalai Lama says frequently that we need to “know the reality” when faced with problems. We have to be “realistic” in our approaches. He talks about knowing reality from many different angles and having the courage of an open skepticism as we analyze and investigate. Such an approach is invaluable in situations such as this one, where emotions run very strong. The temptation is either to cling to the safety of blind faith or rage with (equally blind) impulsive anger and reactivity. I suggest that neither approach will help the practitioner move forward.
Indeed, this is a journey of conscience for every Rigpa student. An informed conscience is a strong conscience. Only through viewing what we know and don’t know through many different lenses and logics can we inform our conscience and have the courage and self-confidence to act accordingly and move forward with our practice.
HOW STRONG IS THE CASE AGAINST SOGYAL LAKAR?
There is an understanding within Rigpa that these allegations of sexual abuse are primarily due to Mary Finnigan and her vendetta against Sogyal Lakar. In A Response To the Blog Behind The Thangkas, http://dialogueireland.wordpress.com/2012/01/06/a-response-to-the-blog-behind-the-thankas/ a senior Rigpa student argues that the allegations are the result of 30 individuals who have become angry with Sogyal because of his sometimes harsh techniques. Within the comment lines, this is a main thrust of the arguments of BellaB and Sheila as well. The tone of Mary Finnigan’s own comments on DI can appear to justify this. She has never disguised the fact that she wants to “put Sogyal out of business.” She calls him names. In addition, Behind the Thangkas (BTT) does reach well beyond allegations of sexual abuse and condemns Sogyal’s qualifications as a teacher as well.
Indeed, the debates on the comment line are very polarized and very emotional. This could easily turn off questioning Rigpa students and leave them feeling that these allegations are part of a hostile world that has nothing to do with their own Buddhist practice and relationship with Sogyal.
However, several facts support the allegations in BTT. The first is the fact that Mary herself is an established journalist, with a sound knowledge of litigation and the responsibilities of journalism. It is presumed that she would have taken extra care with verifying her evidence in BTT, knowing that it would be challenged and that Sogyal had the money for good lawyers. BellaB, when confronted with these facts in a comment, stated that Mary published BTT anonymously in order to escape litigation. In fact, this is not true. While the original online version of BTT is anonymously published, as well as the version on DI, she gave permission for the use of her name on the website
.. where a discussion of BTT and sexual allegations against Sogyal has been active for some months. She has used her own name on other websites as well. Further facts also support Mary’s credibility. One is the fact that Cogent/Benger are highly reputable and their primary source, “Mimi” has gone public with her allegations.
Mimi is also central to BTT. Her allegations do not concern only herself, but what she has observed as the abuse of others as well. In a conversation between the Dorjeshugdengroup blogsite and the Rigpa director of another country, the Rigpa official said that Sogyal had tried to contact Mimi, but her therapist advised against this. The Rigpa official also said that Sogyal would not object to the allegations because he would practice tonglen (mind training), accepting the “negativity” and say nothing against the allegations. The blog edito replied that if the accusations were wrong he must correct them as this was part of the bodhisattva vow. It could be surmised by this that Sogyal takes Mimi’s allegations and suffering seriously—however not seriously enough to address them directly.
While Rigpa officials will blame Mary’s ill will for the trouble BTT has caused, I have not seen any statements from them that Sogyal is not having sex with multiple women. This is the main concern. In fact, in Response to the Blog Behind the Thangkas, the writer does not question the existence of a group of “Dakinis” who surround Sogyal, nor does she question that they are in sexual relations with him—she questions only the allegations that they are not happy, self-confident women who have lives of their own and are free to leave whenever they wish. She questions whether these women are treated poorly and then cast off:
“Everybody in our culture knows about the teachers’ power over the students and they may be in position where they could use their power wrong. Many of us have personal experiences of such events or “invitations” by teachers in our Universities and so on. How many of those women who have been abused by their teacher have gained a permanent position in the teacher’s life? Some are abused and thrown away. If they haven’t been thrown away, they can’t say they were abused, if their relationship ended up in a marriage. The abuse happens, when the woman is told what to do and told that she will be rewarded somehow. These situations do not usually last for years, since the victims are thrown away, if they complain and do not obey. Soon enough they are being replaced by the next victim.”“Many critics feel the need to show the foreign men their place and educate how women should be treated. I could join them eagerly since I have known a few men from non-Western cultures personally and through my friends. But then I must also say that I have never seen Sogyal Rinpoche treating his “dakinis” without respect. They are not thrown away, but have remained for years or decades. He usually doesn’t send anybody away.”
This fact leads to one of the most convincing arguments supporting the truth of the allegations, which is the fact that multiple sexual relations between a renowned teacher, such as Sogyal, and his students is not seen as a problem amongst either mainstream Buddhist teachers or Rigpa officials themselves. A major argument in Response to the Blog Behind the Thangkas is that these relationships do no harm to the students and are not practiced in extreme ways, such as in the orgy described with pictures of naked women behind the thangkas.
I will address the issue of whether sexual relations between spiritual teachers and their students do cause harm more deeply later on, but I suggest that it is a central reason why the allegations are probably true.
Sogyal simply does not believe that his behavior is wrong and he is supported by a culture that doesn’t believe it is wrong either. The question then is not whether or not he has had sexual relations with his students, but rather, why shouldn’t he have had sexual relations with his students? He is not a monk and he is a healthy male with a healthy appetite.
Certainly, the assumption that it is an “honor” for a woman to have sexual relations with a great Buddhist teacher is prevalent within mainstream Tibetan Buddhism. I recall very clearly Shyalpa Rinpoche saying during a teaching retreat that in the past, Tibetan men used to pray that they would be reborn as women so that they could practice as consorts. Particularly in the Dzogchen traditions, founded by Padmasambhava, who himself practiced with consorts, this is a central assumption. Any Rigpa student with a sincere wish to probe more deeply into the allegations against Sogyal must acknowledge that this attitude is central to all considerations. This attitude makes the allegations extremely probable. Later, I will discuss the validity of this attitude.
The veracity of the second victim who appears in the Cogent/Benger documentary, Victoria Barlow, is also questioned quite strongly and brutally in Response to the Blog Behind the Thangkas as well as in the comment threads. The response post questions Barlow’s mental health when speaking of her claims that she has suffered as a result of her sexual relationship with Sogyal:
“Talking about one’s private life in public might be an indicator of a person without boundaries, which is quite common trait among those that have been sexually abused as children. Victoria has claimed innocence in her story: she as a student came to talk about Buddhism with a lama… Depression is the aftermath of sexually abused children, and as adults some seek new partners in order to find acceptance and get rid of the depression – but in fact it leads to more depression and in some cases to sexual addiction if the person doesn’t seek treatment. On the other hand sex in general might feel abusive to them, no matter what were the circumstances, because of the past memories.”
Sheila echoes this brutal attitude in her comment of Dec. 16, 2011:
“As to the embattled Victoria Barlow, her original supporters state, “…she [was] too one dimensional, too driven, too inclined towards defining her life by incidents which she herself SURELY participated in willingly a lot of years ago…she herself realizes that it was NOT regular behavior, not a part of the teachings, not endorsed by anyone in authority.” (Evelyn Ruut, alt-philosophy-zen, 5/11/05)“It may seem cruel to call someone out like this; however, it is only necessary because that person is herself working to destroy the lives of good and kind people. Why? That’s the question of the day.”
This argument is quite brutal in the face of the fact that Victoria Barlow has clearly suffered. It reminds me forcibly of a comment made on DI by ex-Dakini. After giving a clear, lucid description of her experiences of sexual abuse at the hands of Sogyal, she then concludes:
“Now BellaB, if people from Rigpa could identify me, which I’m sure they are frantically trying to do, they would tell you many things about how unbalanced I am. I know that they did so when I left Rigpa, and I know that many prayers were recited for me in Penor Rinpoche’s monastery. But I am quite sane, I assure you.”
As a therapist and as a Buddhist, I find it extremely disturbing to see any suffering being disparaged on the grounds that he/she is not mentally stable. I find it disturbing to see non-professionals diagnosing individuals simply in order to undermine their voice and testimony. Not only is it ignorant, but it is quite cruel and unfeeling. Whatever one’s opinion of Victoria Barlow’s character or mental health, she was a courageous woman to sit in front of a camera and speak of her suffering and her mistakes. The inference made by Sheila above, to justify her cruel remarks was that the gloves are off now, warfare has begun.
To be fair, this attitude has also been upheld in the comment line from those on the other side, those who advocate hostility and strong actions against Sogyal. As I have mentioned, the comment line is very polarized. However, when the hostility is directed towards those few women who have had the courage to come forward and reveal vulnerable parts of themselves in order to move this situation forward then I object very strongly.
It appears to me that those who wish to refute the allegations have simply sought a vulnerable target and used her for their ends. Unfortunately, their argument does not hold up. In fact, their argument is an argument for the other side. I state strongly and clearly that if a lama is a high bodhisattva, then he would not take a woman as a mistress if doing so would cause her harm. He would be capable and desirous of refusing her advances. If he is not a bodhisattva on such a high level, if he is just a man who has been tempted by an attractive woman, then he has no business having any sexual affairs in the name of dharma. He has no business using his authority and spiritual power in order to have affairs. In fact, he has no business having sex with his students.
BellaB argues frequently that Victoria Barlow was a “girlfriend” of Sogyal’s and cannot be called a victim of abuse. Victoria Barlow claims that she was a student as well. If she was never a student, then her case is not relevant here.
This discussion is about teacher-student sexual relations.
Another convincing case supporting the credibility of BTT can be made from further testimonies in the comment line. In 2009, DI presented a briefing document in which Mary Finnigan presents a testimony from a former close personal assistant to Sogya., who describes the situation within Rigpa while he was there:
“In the mid 80′s, during my seven years with Rigpa and 4 years as founding director of a national Rigpa branch, I had slowly discovered that Sogyal Rinpoche had sex with very many disciples. Even though I was very close to SR, it took me some time to notice the obvious. Even though I am a professional counsellor, it took me quite some time to notice it at all, and then it took me even more time to take action. First, at the same time I was shocked and kind of amused, I had mixed feelings about it, because in the beginning I saw that some women tried to get him. First I thought, they are mature woman, they know what they are doing, and I simply am too inexperienced in the exotic ways of Tibetan Lamas to be able to judge. It was much later that I heard stories and saw things which were not based on consent, and saw that he was cheating all the time on the women. Also I noticed that he had sex with young students who just had come to Rigpa retreats for the first time…”“I confronted Sogyal first jokingly, then half-heartedly, with my concerns about his behaviour, and I said to him that as a therapist I knew about the transference phenomenon: students see the teacher as kind of a father figure, so sex with the student is psychologically seen as incest. Also, that in the West, the relationship between teacher and student, or priest and the parishioner, must be kept pure, and does not allow for intimate relationships involving sex in any way. He was not amused, and tried to avoid the subject, but he first tried to justify his sexual behaviour spiritually…“I could no longer ignore what was happening. On one occasion Sogyal wanted me to lie on the phone to a woman, who wanted to contact him after having had sex with him but had found that he was in bed with another woman. I refused to be a party to his affairs. He became very angry and yelled at me, but I was not impressed…“One of the worst things I experienced was at a winter retreat in Germany. A long term student of his was in emotional distress and asked in obvious pain, vulnerability and confusion for his help, and he forced her to speak louder and then to come forward to the stage where he put her down completely. In my view, he was totally afraid of her, and could not deal with the situation at all. But instead of putting her into safe hands, he tried to save himself by putting her down and ridiculing her, and then played the strong teacher who can deal with everything. That same night, we had to rush her to the emergency ward of the nearest psychiatric hospital with a nervous breakdown and a psychotic seizure.As a therapist and as a student, I was horrified by his behaviour and his complete lack of compassion and skill. Before I left Rigpa, an American woman told me confidentially and in great distress that she had just lost her husband and had come from US to France to SR to get help, and that SR, during a private audience, had tried to violently force her to have sex with him. Fortunately, she managed to escape being raped. She left the retreat in even greater despair and completely shocked. This was the worst incident which I heard at first hand.SR did not respect any limits: he had sex with most of the wives of the leading students at Rigpa. I tried to keep myself and my private life out of his. I tried not to get mixed up with his affairs. Sogyal had a classical harem, and he knew all the tricks to make the obvious invisible, or if that did not work, to change the context of the students’ values, giving the whole thing a spiritual excuse, and abuse fears and naivety, or the good belief of his students to get what he wanted. It’s 12 years ago since I quit Rigpa, so I have no first-hand information of SR’s activities now, but I must say I have little doubt that everything is the same today, because I consider him an addict. He is hooked on sex and power.
“There was the harem, and the women seemed to be able and ok with their role in the game. At least I wanted to believe this, still trying to see SR as a holy man. On the other hand, I always found obstacles to consider SR as my guru. I considered myself at that time more like a Buddhist manager and some kind of assistant to SR, rather than as a disciple of his. I could see Dilgo Khyentse or the Dalai Lama as true masters, but SR appeared to me to be just a teacher who teaches Buddhism, or more likely a salesman who sells Buddhism. When I was in charge of my national Rigpa branch, I always exaggerated his qualities in the flyers I produced. I said to SR: either you are true and good and people will find out themselves, or if not they will also find out. So don’t tell them what they should think or how good they should think about you. True quality will speak for itself. With me, he accepted such words, but I heard my successors had to write up his qualities.First he said that because he is one of the incarnations of Padmasambhava, and that Padmasambhava had many ‘spiritual consorts’, he would be somehow entitled to do so. Then he played the cultural card: in Tibetan culture women are seen as Dakinis, and they would happily serve the Lamas for enhancing their spiritual power and so on. I am ashamed, but first I wanted to believe all this. I was brought up in a prudish, bourgeois Catholic environment. I was used to playing roughshod with the truth, and to idealize and respect people of position even more than supposedly “holy” men. My spiritual and emotional hunger made be blind to my own values and my professional standards – at least where the standards of the Lama were concerned, however, fortunately not in my own work.For some years I was blinded by my position of power. I felt that I was establishing a very well-run organisation together with other dear friends which was benefiting many people. I was happy. I was in a very special position. I honestly tried to use my position to the best of my ability. I felt I was chosen, and because of karmic connections with Sogyal, I was finally realising my full potential.The bitter irony is that because other students saw me as a rather independent, seemingly critical, and reasonable person and because of my professional status as a psychotherapist, some people viewed me as endorsing Sogyal. In fact they envied my special access to SR. Basically, he always treated me very well. He seemingly respected me, but now I think he was clever enough not to treat me badly like some of the other students so I would remain loyal. He gave me the feeling that he appreciated my views at least as long I helped him to please the audience and the students. But he never was open to criticism concerning his personal behaviour. Also, he never answered any of my personal spiritual questions. I got more and more the impression that he simply could not answer them. Also, when I attended sessions where he should answer questions from his students, he often gave very stupid answers, and showed that he had not much understanding of what people were really asking. Sometimes he ridiculed people to cover this up.When I have more time I will write more professionally on the psychology of the guru-student relationship and of abuse. What interests me most is why people “allow themselves” to be abused and what hinders them to see the truth. And how to help others to discover their own truth, and how to stop people like SR from going on.”
Mary says that she has more testimonies like this one. Of course, it is totally possible that this story is fabricated and a complete lie, but it is hard for me to conclude that anyone would fabricate such a story as this one. It is just plain too lucid and introspective. In addition, Mary has allowed her own name to be used in citing this source, so this adds veracity to the testimony.
Of course, we cannot know for certain that this is from a real person. Indeed, Mary could have written it herself. However, in that case, surely there would have been a strong refutation from Rigpa officials? Surely, they could have stated that no such person has existed that they know of? Again, it is clear that refuting the existence of multiple affairs and Sogyal’s harsh, sometimes harmful techniques during teachings is not something that Rigpa is capable of doing.
Another lucid description of Sogyal’s sexual affairs is given in the comment line of Behind The Thangkas ~ Sogyal Rimpoche ~ The imbalance of power and abuse of spiritual authority. On several dates, Jan. 9, 10 and 12, ex-Dakini describes her experiences of sexual abuse from Sogyal. This is a testimony from a woman who has clearly done the difficult work of healing from her experiences. In respect to this woman’s healing, I will not post her personal disclosures here, but I advise anyone who wishes to gain a clear picture of the allegations to view her comments.
Of particular significance, ex-Dakini states:
“My handful of years in Rigpa led me to witness first hand that Sogyal Rinpoche was a compulsive seducer of women. I knew more than several women who were seduced after their first teaching or at their first retreat. I knew women who were seduced when they were in distress. Others like myself had been involved in the organization for a while before he communicated his desire for sex. I am not including in this summary by the way anything that has been published by DI, these are things individuals told me personally some years ago.“I can count the names of 15 women who I knew that SR was sexually involved with. And I wasn’t around for all that long. I suggest that those of you still involved in Rigpa who care about this to simply ask your lama how many of his students he has had sex with. I think it’s a fair question to ask a spiritual leader. These women – myself included – were his students. Not women who he met in other circumstances.”
Even BellaB acknowledges that ex-Dakini’s story rings true. This is odd, because after admitting that, BellaB then continues for months to refute the truth of allegations of sexual abuse by Sogyal. It seems she is either forgetful or can hold two contradictory truths in her mind at the same time.
I have been in personal contact with Tiger Lily, who comments during that time both in response to ex-Dakini and with her own testimony. I assure the reader that Tiger Lily is a real person with no vendetta towards Sogyal. She writes in Jan. 2012 of a meeting that she had with Mimi prior to the publication of BTT:
Suffice to say she echoes ex-d’s testimony in that during the time she was Sogyal’s attendant she received so little sleep that she couldn’t think straight. Sex with Sogyal “went with the job of being a female attendant.” It was not about love. When she began to have doubts, she was faced with the answer that whatever Sogyal did would be a teaching for her good. She was encouraged by him to see herself as a consort and when she went in tears to Dzigar Kongtrul to ask him what it meant to be a consort he replied that it was very good.
She also told me that she was regularly struck by Sogyal with his backscratcher as were his other female attendants.
Tiger Lily was also involved with Sogyal as a girlfriend and writes of her own experiences:
“You asked me if Sogyal had ever treated me in the way Mimi has claimed he did her. First of all I was never encouraged to see myself as a consort. It never entered my head. I was a girl-friend. Neither did he ever hit me. I would have hit him back. Sogyal didn’t claim to be a great Master…that came after I’d left. He was usually called Sogyal Tulku by the Tibetans. The whole dynamic at Rigpa was more normal then. Much more low key, not the empire it’s become. He could be a pain in the arse though and we let him get away with it too much.I did try to work with unpleasant emotions by letting my relationship with Sogyal and Rigpa be a catalyst for my practice. Perhaps not a waste of time after all as I have learned by default. I just gave up with being deceived by his philanderings and by being kept in the dark and the general deterioration of a friendship which I had once valued. I never saw him as my Guru but rather someone I wanted to be close to because Tibetan Buddhism was the most important part of my life.I did notice a difference in his behaviour though and judging from other women’s comments it became more intense with each successive decade as Rigpa grew and grew and grew and the best of Sogyal (and there could be a sweet side to him) seemed to become swallowed up by Terton Sogyal. I am shocked and saddened by Mimi’s and Ex-d’s experiences but not surprised.”
Probably the strongest case made against BTT’s credibility in Response to the Blog Behind the Thangkas is the writer’s own positive experiences as a student of Sogyal. Certainly, this is the main theme of arguments raised by both BellaB and Sheila in the comment line. Sheila is concerned that by raising concerns over Sogyal’s behavior, we are undermining all Tibetan Buddhist teachers and her experiences have been completely positive. She wants no stain on Tibetan Buddhist leaders. Bella is concerned because her experiences with Sogyal have been all positive and she therefore disagrees with any allegation that his behavior is not perfect (except for those made by ex-Dakini).
Indeed, I would guess that there are many more students of Sogyal who have had only positive experiences than there are those who have had negative experiences. However, such black and white thinking is not helpful and such rationale can never justify misconduct or harm inflicted on even one woman. We are not talking about numbers. For example, a murderer might be wonderful to his children, his mother, his wife and friends, but his misconduct is still misconduct.
However, I acknowledge that the greatest challenge for any sincere Rigpa student is to equate the allegations of sexual abuse with the teacher that they know. Scott Edelstein, author of the story that I cited at the beginning of this writing, speaks eloquently of this dilemma:
“It is entirely possible for a spiritual teacher to be wise, compassionate, empathetic, and inspiring, and at the same time sexually exploitive. This may seem entirely contradictory, but spiritual teachers have proven it true time after time. For better or worse, we humans are often contradictory creatures—especially when it comes to sex, power and vocation.” (Sex and the Spiritual Teacher, Chapter 1.)
It is therefore not my intention here to dispute Sogyal’s worth as a spiritual mentor for many. Nor is it my intention to hold him high as an exemplary spiritual teacher either. My intention is to ask readers to hold both possibilities in their hearts, to neither revert to blind faith, nor succumb to blind reactive emotions as you sort through the allegations and your own experience and analysis.
Those of you who have never experienced anything but kindness during your time as a Rigpa student are nonetheless encouraged to take the Buddha’s teachings to heart and try to experience compassion and feel how difficult coming forward with these stories must be for women who have suffered sexual abuse. Try perhaps to avoid seeing their reluctance to give their names as evidence that their stories and suffering are not real. See instead that this reluctance comes from fear.
Indeed, I can tell you as a therapist that coming forward with testimony of sexual abuse causes the victim great suffering. It triggers experiences of pain that victims want to put in the past. This is why so few rape victims bring their cases to court. I believe that this is why there are so few women with the courage of Mimi and Victoria, the courage to expose their vulnerability and their pain. Cruel comments, such as those made by BellaB and Sheila, do not help them find the courage either.
I have one further comment to quote from the comment line. This comment is not about sexual abuse explicitly. However, I suggest that it exposes the fact that Sogyal might be lacking in some boundaries around issues of sexuality.
Here is the story:
“I recently attended the recent 10 day retreat at Dzogchen Beara in County Cork, Ireland. I knew nothing about Sogyal Rinpoche when I arrived, beyond the fact that he was the author of the wonderful book: The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. SR arrived at the retreat he was supposed to be leading 4 days late. As soon as he came into the tent where 250 attendees were gathered, I knew I had made a mistake. His personality was egocentric and his manner imperious. It did not fit in with my idea of a holy or ascetic monk at all. During the course of the next few days I experienced what at best could be termed disrespect, at worst abuse of his colleagues and disciples. He was regularly late and often over-ran the sessions by several hours, on one occasion keeping us from lunch. He was insulting about the Irish people, about his assistants and to individual course participants. He refused to let one woman leave who had just heard that her house had been burgled, but made her sit down on the floor in front of him for 2 hours, saying it was too late to do anything about it now, she should have gone home before it was burgled not afterwards!“The last straw for me, and which made me leave the retreat 2 days early, was when he called one of the senior assistants from the Centre for the sick and dying to come up to the podium. This lady is a very respected professional in her 60s doing amazing caring work with the bereaved and dying. She was forced to kneel down beside SR while he embraced her closely and put his hand on her chest. I could see her face and she was clearly deeply embarrassed and uncomfortable. SR proceeded to stroke her face, looking deeply into her eyes. When she pulled back slightly he turned to the 250 people in the audience and said: ‘This is none of your business, turn away.’ So 250 people (except me) twisted around in their seats and looked the other way. If that is not crowd manipulation and audience abuse, I don’t know what is. At the very least it shows complete ignorance or disregard for Western social mores ethical behaviour.“I will not go back and I will not have anything further to do with Rigpa. I am very very sad that the wonderful people amongst the instructors and pupils that I met are being seriously duped. They do not deserve this sort of treatment. I wish them all well.”
This comment is also unique because it is about something that can be verified. I personally was not at the retreat the commenter is referring to, but hundreds of people were. No refutation of that story has appeared. In fact, in the Response to the Blog on Behind the Thangkas, the writer’s only comment about this story is quite cynical and misses the point completely. She writes coldly,
“It’s a new line in the story, because the old stories repeat that he is only after young women.”
